Fat & Sweets Podcast
This show is all about storytelling and RAW content through our unique experiences as we grow our faith. NOTHING is off the table and there may be some Radical/Explicit content, but it's necessary because ya'll don't listen anyways. Culture, Society, Music, Parenting, Relationships, Friendship, Faith, and pure comedy! If you aren't scared, or easily offended, then maybe you should stick around. If you are, there is another podcast for you that's NOT ours. We love you still. Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you. :)
Fat & Sweets Podcast
Ep. 38 Fry Your Brain: A Raw Conversation on Identity and Fear Feat. TJ
Fat Daddy welcomes TJ to the podcast for an unforgettable conversation that peels back layers of identity, fear, resilience, and the transformative power of community. What begins as a light-hearted introduction to TJ's love of pickles and silkworms quickly evolves into a profound exploration of what it means to face your fears and live authentically.
TJ captivates listeners with the harrowing tale of her first ski experience—a perfect metaphor for her approach to life's challenges. Despite being a complete novice, she headed straight for the mountain's peak, resulting in an unexpected journey through deep snow and a black diamond run. "You don't learn something unless you go through the fire," she explains, revealing a philosophy that has guided her through far more significant challenges than skiing.
The conversation takes a powerful turn as TJ shares her experience as a transgender woman living in rural Idaho. With remarkable openness, she discusses her five years on hormone replacement therapy, her estrangement from religiously conservative parents, and childhood struggles with domestic violence. Her insights on gender identity, including fascinating scientific context about conditions like PCOS and chromosomal variations, offer listeners both education and empathy.
Perhaps most valuable are TJ's straightforward "do's and don'ts" for interacting with transgender individuals. Her advice—centered primarily around minding one's business and showing basic respect—provides listeners with practical guidance whether they're parents of transitioning children or simply looking to be better allies. Throughout it all, TJ's infectious energy and resilient spirit shine through, reminding us that "when you face fear, you're never alone."
Ready to look the wolf right in the eyes? This episode will challenge you to face your fears, expand your understanding, and recognize that community truly is our strongest ally. Subscribe now and join the conversation about what matters most—loving and protecting your people, wherever you find them.
Email us for our Socials: kingandqueen2025@fatandsweets.org
Alright, let's do this. This is good. This is episode 38. We're going to call this one right now. Fry your Brain, and if you haven't recognized the voice, it's Fat Daddy and Losa at the same time.
Speaker 2:That's Fat Daddy right there.
Speaker 1:And I'm sitting alongside TJ and I want y'all to know a little bit about who she is. So I'm going to read her bio for y'all and then we're going to get this thing started about who she is. So I'm gonna read her bio for y'all and then we're gonna get this thing started. This marvelous spirit and I crossed paths in 2022 during our professional careers and had a student teacher relationship that blossomed into a true friendship post-graduation. She is a pickle enthusiast, to say the least, and raises silkworms as a hobby.
Speaker 1:She's also an extremely qualified uh swimmer and she raises chickens. So if you have any questions, please don't be afraid to ask her some following this episode. But here's the thing about her being a swimmer she most identifies with the puffer fish for their spicy nature and ability to defend themselves when in danger. So watch out, she will sting you, watch out. But uh tj is a radical and infectious energy that can change the temperature in any room she walks into and you will immediately feel her bad bitch aura. Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 2:How do you feel? I feel great. I feel great, and I just got to emphasize on the pickle enthusiasm. You got to love those grillos pickles.
Speaker 1:those are the best I don't even know anything about that brand. I'm a vlasic pickle guy or like a hot mama okay, I like the ones that make me sweat oh, that I mean, they actually make me sweat, they do. Yeah, they're that hot, like when I eat spicy food, like I immediately start to perspire yeah, no, no, I just have that.
Speaker 2:Have pickles, put some tahini, on it, oh no, y'all don't know anything about tahini. I put that on water oh, put on watermelon, tahini, lemon and watermelon mangoes, philippine mangoes with tahini, oh, and a squeak, squeeze, some lime juice. You're welcome, we are putting y'all on it so much yes, yes, we are get y'all some tahini, get you guys some tahini, oh my god, yeah, literally it so much. Yes, yes, we are Get y'all some tahini, get you guys some tahini oh my God, yeah, literally, it's not that expensive.
Speaker 1:They are already. We're what Two minutes in and y'all are already getting good intro, Like that's great.
Speaker 2:Get some pickles.
Speaker 1:Same. So what's your earliest memory of, like how we met for real, so they can know, because this isn't just like some hey, how you doing passing as strangers, and then we just do a podcast like it's definitely not that yeah, I know, fat daddy's my bro we go way back and that 2022 isn't that far, but like no, but that's still.
Speaker 2:I mean we got a lot of experience you know what I think?
Speaker 1:I think the conversations that you have with somebody, if they have depth and substance, give you like a it adds some years to your relationship.
Speaker 2:So you know we worked in like the same company and it was more of like. You know, you know, teacher, student, professional, you know, to uh, super whack, super whack, super whack. You know uh class that I was participating in, that he was my teacher and we it was more just professional development. So really easy, really basic, honestly. But, um, with our conversations, the things we you know, just basic public speaking of what it means to be what professional development is and what it means to be what professional development is and what it means to be professional is that's hilarious, that it was professional education, and I'm one of the least professional people that like in in other people's opinion.
Speaker 2:For the most part, but you see, that's the difference though, because I'm like uh.
Speaker 1:I'm like, uh, onion, I have layers like shrek yeah, like shrek yeah, like shrek, because I definitely I'm ratchet as hell, but yeah, when I'm clocked in, like I can be professional as you want me to be yeah but then after I get off, I'm like fuck you, you know yeah, pretty much you can let him know if I'm lying no, no, no, he ain't lying, but what is it?
Speaker 2:it's, it's funny. You know, ems, people are checking something yeah, like we're.
Speaker 1:We're sitting in a big truck right now and we're trying to stay focused, but there's like something going on. They don't. They don't have their lights on they don't have their lights on, but they just open someone's door right now do you think they have a key, maybe they have to come and check on them, like they have a list of people that they check on wait a minute. There's a lock on that knob oh I wish y'all could see what's happening right in front of us right now. This is great.
Speaker 2:This is like either they'll bring a body out. What is this like?
Speaker 1:I hope they don't I'm just gonna pretend like it's not happening yeah what the heck? How do I describe what we're seeing to the, the listeners right now? Like there's a, there's an ambulance to our left, there's an apartment in front us. There's a lock on it, as if the apartment is being rented out. So you got to have a code to the box to get the key to get in there and they just walked inside and we don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2:Well, hopefully what?
Speaker 1:is the website that does that? Is it the Shade Room? No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:It's like a 360. Life 360? Something, yeah, like when you press the little Worldstar. That's what I'm thinking about. This is like a Worldstar moment.
Speaker 1:Y'all are getting real time. What the hell is going on across the street?
Speaker 2:This is like straight up CNN guys.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:At Elmore County.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're in Elmore County, At Elmore County. If you don't know where that's at, just google it, then you'll know where we're at this city is like desolate, terrible for people who grew up in like polluted and populated cities that are filled with crime. You come here, you'll be bored, it's safe, it's great to raise families, but other than that, you got to drive 45 minutes to boise. Quite literally. Get anywhere excuse me, boise to enjoy anything, uh, fun yeah, this place sucks.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100%, 100% and what do we do when we're bored Podcast and make content.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And try not to go crazy. Yeah, Yo actually, now that we're here, what do you think about this city? Yeah, because you've been here for how long man six years, Six years. I've been here for five and now I'm ready to go.
Speaker 2:I've six years. Six years. I've been here for five and now I'm ready to go. I think I think a year here is enough. A year and that's too long sometimes.
Speaker 1:That is too long unless let me not be negative for, if you like, uh, outdoorsy stuff like skiing, hunting, hiking, uh, whatever that bullshit is, I'm an inside kind of person.
Speaker 2:I like pools and beaches and and like gyms and basketball and bowling and shit yeah like I don't know but it's like uh, I mean, let's just say, since being here for six years, I wanted to. You know, I'm an la girl, city girl by heart oh, I didn't even know that yeah, city girl los angeles that is dope.
Speaker 1:You're from la I'm. Are you going back there?
Speaker 2:I want to go back there, but my soon-to-be hubby.
Speaker 1:Congratulations, yes.
Speaker 2:We're. His family is in Ohio, mind you, I it's not much to do there either, but there is. It's. Let's just say it's the western states compared to the eastern states East states it's different, they're closer together.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you can like go four hours in Indiana Instead of, oh, four hours. You're still in Idaho, you're?
Speaker 1:still yeah, this place is crazy, Like on the map, you'll see it. And then you think like like oh, I can get there pretty quickly. No, it's not like that at all. Like the proportion on a map does not do it justice at all yeah like it takes what? Two hours to get to twin falls. It takes like three hours and some change to get the mccall, like going up north, like yeah, it's like this place.
Speaker 1:You will be driving for hours and think that you've made progress, and you're still in the same state yeah, and then you realize that, um, that they tell us not to go up north for a reason yo, that's the first thing that they told me when I found out I was coming here. They were like, hey brother. They were like rubbing their skin, like yeah, you do not ever need to go up north by yourself because they will lynch your ass. And I was like what the fuck?
Speaker 1:yeah, let's just say racist motherfuckers up here and and doing roadie like me and my brother do it and like sometimes we have deliveries up there and it's actually true, but they will actually get out of their car or their their, come out of their house and be like yo, what are you doing here? Like next time you show up on on this property without saying that you're delivering a package, like we could shoot you.
Speaker 2:Like they tell you that at least they're like vocal about it but honestly it's like wow, that's the first thing that comes to your mind.
Speaker 1:They see two black dudes pull up delivering boxes and they're like they're trying to rob us like immediately yeah and like me and my brother, were navy blue and like black, so like they immediately think we're on bullshit and we're just delivering boxes that they order from home depot and shit exactly, yeah, I know this this place is uh behind the times but you know I tried to adapt with with you know with hunting and fishing, and I did try skiing.
Speaker 2:That was what did you think, oh, my gosh, okay. So I was kind of story time story time, so I was 19 at the time. Right, I was on a little bunny hill, but then everyone else was just going to the very top of the mountain. Mind you, I've never skied before.
Speaker 1:Please tell me you didn't go up there.
Speaker 2:Oh, I absolutely did. So, I was like you know, this is just so sad, all of my buddies, you don't learn something unless you go through the fire. So I was like this is my opportunity to get through a challenging situation.
Speaker 1:That's such a me thing to do too. Go, yeah, I probably shouldn't, but that's, how else am I gonna learn?
Speaker 2:exactly because I was like I can either look at the mountain and be afraid of it, or I can do it and then know I'll get down somehow yeah as long as the, as long as the angle is, I make it down the hill. Then guess what? I can probably take it and challenge it, you know if I do it a second time. Mind you only did it one time for a reason.
Speaker 1:But it and challenge it. You know, if I do it a second time, mind you only did it one time for a reason. Hey, you did it, I did it. Though you can say you did it, yeah, like hey whatever.
Speaker 2:So I went down the bunny hill, went to the ski lift and I was sitting in the middle between two guys and they were like you look like you never skied before. And I was like nope. And they're like you know that it's really windy, the snow's really deep up here. Do you know what, you, you're doing? And I was like you gotta figure it out.
Speaker 1:And then they were like, so they tried to like stop you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I was like no, I mean, I was very body language I'm going and they're like just sit next to me kind of. You know breathing in and out.
Speaker 1:Like to get off. So the two dudes on the side of me get off.
Speaker 2:I just plop, face plop right off so I felt off. You didn't even get a chance to like start. Well, no, I got a chance to start, just all getting off the ski lift. You kind of like jump off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you didn't jump yeah, no, I just skewed off and I don't know why that visual is fucking me out right now, but I think it's hilarious yeah, they were like are you okay?
Speaker 2:I was like I'm good, I'm good, get on my skis. Couldn't see anything, so I was like you know what I think?
Speaker 1:down is bad weather was it?
Speaker 2:no, it's just at the summit.
Speaker 1:It's really just cloudy, just snowing that high up, yeah, so it's terrible yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm going down and then I'm going so fast, and then I see trees, I see the edge of the, like the edge of the mountain. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna fall off the mountain. So then I just like get in like a field position and I jump. I jumped so far, I jumped off the skis. So basically the how fast I was going flew. I flew from like a starter, like try, it's called like a yellow triangle, right, I went to the black diamond so it's like tears of difficulty tears of black diamonds like the worst difficulty.
Speaker 2:So I flew into the black diamond and the snow got was. I fell through the snow up to it was at my chest that deep.
Speaker 1:Yes, how do you ski through something like that? Probably I don't know, but anyways I thought there was like maybe six, seven inches no, but the more I moved, the more I was sinking.
Speaker 2:So I was like, oh my gosh, this is how people die. And then I was like so luckily I don't weigh that much, so you had a near-death experience yep.
Speaker 2:So I climbed out, I just sat there, I found a spot to sit and then the patrol came up, because they usually check them out, and they were like hey, are you okay? And the first thing they said was where's your mom? Mind you, mind you, I'm working. No, unfortunately I'm estranged from my parents. But you know, things happen, things happen, but you know it's okay. But no, so I don't have my. My parents aren't there. I'm, I'm at it, I'm working. You know I have, I'm working for my business. You know where I'm going, I'm working for somebody business. You know where I'm going, I'm working for somebody.
Speaker 2:And this was just like a morale event pretty much. And no, so I was like, no, no, my mom's not, my mom's not here. They're like oh, are you sure, is she down the mountain? I was like they're not calculating that. I really just said my mom's not here and I was like you know what, my relatives are down the mountain. So then they took me in the little sled and got me down and then I was like oh, that's how you're supposed to ski.
Speaker 2:You learned after the fact I learned after, because they had skis while they had me on the side.
Speaker 1:Would you ever do it again?
Speaker 2:no, she didn't even hesitate no, no, I, I learned my life all right.
Speaker 1:Well, look, this is. This is a message to all of you motherfuckers who keep trying to get me to ski. I told you that I grew up snowboarding and I prefer that and I'm not ever gonna ski. There has been countless times where people are like yo, come ski with us and I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. One, I don't like the cold. Two, I grew up in an area where we got a bunch of bad snow. I had to shovel driveways, warm up my car, clean it all, like I don't want to do anything with fucking snow. I don't like it. So stop asking me. And then you just got a real story from somebody who went to go ski and didn't fucking like it.
Speaker 2:No, so it's not helping me at all because I'm not doing that shit but I will say, tackling something now measurable, because, for example, I let let's just say somebody okay. Well, I'll be honest. Let's just say, by the grace of the experience, I knew I had to put myself in a position to learn you tried it? I tried it and I wanted to learn and I and I also knew that. Okay, people are. There's clearly people coming down the mountain. There's clearly a high survival rate.
Speaker 1:That's an interesting way to look at it.
Speaker 2:I won't die if I do it like how they do it. So natural selection isn't going to get me as easy Coming down this mountain.
Speaker 1:I mean, hey look, look, y'all can take something from this story and at least try it at least try try it however you see fit, say that you did it, you have the experience, and then you know what to do if you ever do decide to do it again. But you also know. Hey, I don't fucking like it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what you do like and what you don't like and honestly now, whenever I look at a troubling experience, I'm just like oh well, maybe came down this mountain rough, but guess what? I got down the mountain though you did.
Speaker 1:I said in another episode that everything good in life is on the other side of fear, and you kind of just explained that you were scared, you, I was trying anyways, but I did it you did it and you didn't die. So I mean, hey, now you can connect with people on a different level because you know like the tears of the difficulty and you went black diamond the first time, which is insane yeah, like in my mind.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking you're going down the steepest slope at the highest altitude, going the fastest rate. Whatever you know what I mean, whatever my imagination makes that to be like you did that it's like and you're here to tell the story.
Speaker 2:exactly, you know, getting going past fear to do something that is easier immediately sent me to, we'll just say, a very extreme uh spot, which I didn't expect, but but I still made it. So, passing fear, or overcoming fear, choosing to not be afraid even though you are, you know, while you're in it you'll be able to find a way to make sure you still get to your goal.
Speaker 1:The perseverance yeah, for sure, the perseverance you have to. You have to have some guts, have some balls, have some something.
Speaker 2:Some kind of like fortitude. And then you realize that a lot of people that you're around try to play safe and that's why they stuck all the time.
Speaker 1:Now, where did you learn that from? Like your mindset to approach it that way?
Speaker 2:I learned that one because I had a desire. Let's just say I like kind of what I said before. I knew that I had to learn to. I knew I had to overcome fear. So I knew I had to face fear. I was going to face fear one way or another and I, instead of being so deathly like afraid to where I'll get stuck, I was like okay you didn't let fear cripple you no.
Speaker 2:I couldn't. I couldn't let it because I knew if I let it I wouldn't be able to move on. But I want to move on like I want to be able to do more things that I love to do. But guess what it takes, looking the wolf right in the eyes this is cool.
Speaker 1:Reason why I say that is because I've been talking about this and yelling at them for a long time. All of the listeners, all the subscribers, everybody's been getting fried by me because I'm screaming like stop being a bitch, stop being a pussy. Like just do it and it'll probably go a lot better than you thought. And that's just what it is like. You're holding yourself back is what I've been screaming at you for the last. I don't know how long we started this pod on march 10th, like and and connections, and it's all about the connections.
Speaker 2:For example, I would not have been able to say or here I can also from that experience whenever you face fear, you're never alone.
Speaker 1:Ooh, what do you mean by that? I like that.
Speaker 2:When you face fear, you're never alone. For example, when you walk into a situation that you're unfamiliar with, there are people who are probably, more than likely, already familiar with it. Those people will have empathy for you because you chose to do something you were uncomfortable with.
Speaker 1:And people will see that.
Speaker 2:And people will see that, so then they will stand with you, and that's, that's a strength to overcome fear is your community.
Speaker 1:I like that.
Speaker 2:So those two guys sitting next to me, they may. They were concerned, for sure, but I.
Speaker 1:They were trying to save you from dying but I was.
Speaker 2:I felt peace, though, because guess what? I knew that they were going up the same mountain with me not as dope and then I was going down the same mountain with them. Where they were going, I didn't know because, like I, like I was up there, you couldn't see a thing.
Speaker 2:But then I was like you know what, I know where, I know where the goal is, that's to get down and there's no real clear picture of how you get there no, you just know that's where I'm going you just know that's where you're going, and I wouldn't have been able to tell this experience if you never, if I hadn't had done it if y'all don't learn anything from this story, well, you're just choosing not to learn something, because she just gave y'all a whole bunch of game, and I think that's just beautiful. And that's how you learn that your community is your strongest ally. So that's when people are very, let's just say Reserved. Reserved, or maybe not reserved, because being reserved is okay.
Speaker 1:It is Well okay. Reserve is okay. It is. It is well okay. We're talking about you introverts, and I say that being an introvert myself. I had to overcome that on my own, because the only thing that is guaranteed is the network of people in the community that you create for yourself. Like, yes, isolation is essential sometimes, but too much of anything is bad. So, yeah, get over yourself and go talk to somebody, and you'd be surprised what kind of relationship you form.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and those relationships you form will make other relationships, will make other relationships and put your fucking phones down Like you're missing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're missing a lot of what life has to offer because you're just so glued to your phone watching somebody else's bullshit instead of making your own experience.
Speaker 2:It's like life is so. You may not realize, but maybe your next door neighbor is probably a I gotta dab you on that yeah that's insane.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are actually reiterating everything that I've been saying for the last I don't know two, three weeks I mean, but it's true, though it really is.
Speaker 2:But like.
Speaker 1:Think about how cool that is. I've been screaming about it for a long time you came here first time on the pod and then you're doubling down on what I said.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So we might not be crazy.
Speaker 2:I don't, I hope not.
Speaker 1:Or maybe we are or you know what?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I'm a little crazy.
Speaker 1:I mean okay. What I mean by that is like people think you're crazy until you make it, and then they're like, oh my god, that's genius so it takes a little bit of it takes a little bit of thinking outside of the box, coloring outside of the lines, ruffling some feathers to get your point across, and then motherfuckers don't believe you until you make it in whatever capacity, and then they go.
Speaker 2:Oh, exactly, yeah, because you could be, let's just say, walking in walmart, right, maybe someone's just you know, just in nice comfortable clothes. That person might be the person who supplies that store with all the seafood in there and is making billions, right, but you don't know that. But he's hiring, but no one's asking and you don't.
Speaker 2:You want to something but but no one's asking him. You know why? Because they they're probably. Oh. Oh, he's just casual. Sometimes you just have to be like if you need help with something, hey, do you mind helping me with this? He's like is this okay? Oh, I have a question. Then, when they see that love in your heart, they'll be like you're a pure person, you're a valuable person. I see that you were comfortable enough to approach me. When people feel comfortable, okay. Now, this depends on the person. I'm not saying go walk up to them.
Speaker 1:Not everybody's open to that.
Speaker 2:Not everyone, but that's usually obvious.
Speaker 1:Usually If you're reading the body language.
Speaker 2:If you're reading the body language.
Speaker 1:That's a skill that people don't have, by the way.
Speaker 2:Yes, but sometimes people will value that. Oh, they chose me to talk to. I want to make sure they're okay. And then, guess what? You might get a job offer and you might. That might change your life goodness that is.
Speaker 1:Oh god, just that is some heat. Yeah, if you didn't get anything, bro, we're only 22 minutes in. We could wrap the pot up right now, but we got more for y'all. Like, this is this is what we need, and if you made it this far, well, you're in for something even better, because what I think people fail to realize about you, tj, is how dope you are right, and it's it's this that they see and if y'all can't see, I'm like touching my heart, because it doesn't matter what you look like, doesn't matter where you came from.
Speaker 1:All that matters is your transparency, your vulnerability, your traits Like what do you have to offer? What do you bring spiritually?
Speaker 1:And then that can be a benefit to anybody, regardless of what you identify as, what you believe in, what your religion is, what your goals and ambitions are, it doesn't matter, we're all just trying to make a little green. Be happy Like we're all just trying to make a little green. Uh, you'd be happy like we're all a lot more similar than we are different. I think that that's what people don't really get like. They get so caught up in all the bullshit, whether it be their phone, whether it be news, whether it be their own life's hardships and obstacles that they just miss, like what this is all about for real yeah, it's, it's good to uh also to.
Speaker 2:It makes it simple to, or from what I found it, and this took some time, but like um, and I will only I can say this because of like my partner, so, or it could be honestly in whatever you find love in. But sometimes it's nice to just have one focus and like, okay, okay, you know, like I love my husband, right. Or it's like I love my kids, I see, pick something. Well, once, that's like that's your power bank.
Speaker 1:Oh, I call them my battery pack. That's your battery pack. My kids are my battery pack.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because then it doesn't matter what, what they're saying in the world, it doesn't matter what could, as long as you're ready to protect, defend, support what you love stand for something yeah, literally for something and make that the priority, and then your world becomes a little bit less difficult to deal with and understand too that other people do stand for different things, but that's none of your business. Learn how to agree to disagree. Yeah, yeah, it's really not that deep.
Speaker 1:I mean, somebody could think one thing about something and you could think something else, but two different perspectives makes a whole pie. If that makes sense like you're one half of the pie and they're one half of the pie, it's still a whole pie. It's good exactly I might be reaching a little bit, but you know what I mean like no, that, I mean that, I mean, that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Get past it, bro. They have blood, like you. They have a. They have a heart that beats like you. They put their pants on one leg at a time, unless they jump in the shit. Whatever However you put your pants on is however you put your pants on, but we all wear clothes out here, unless you're out here streaking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and we're, we're. That's interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like I don't even know how to how to get there. Do you want to? Do you want to reveal to them what we're about to get into next, because I don't think they're ready for it like we're supposed to fry their brains today yeah, yeah, I don't know if y'all ready for it, but you know, tj me I have.
Speaker 2:I'm a, I'm a transgender woman, so I have been on HRT for about five years, which is which is hormone replacement therapy. There you go, and I've I.
Speaker 1:And, before she continues research, what she's saying. Yes, if you don't know what HRT is, she just explained it to you. But like Google it educate yourself and then maybe you'll understand a little bit more.
Speaker 2:Yep and.
Speaker 1:We listen and we don't judge here, but go ahead. We listen and we don't judge here, but we listen and we don't learn that from sweet Shout out to sweet. She gave me that.
Speaker 2:Yes, we listen and we don't.
Speaker 1:HRT, hrt.
Speaker 2:So let's just say I also a lot of like life experience has come through my experience in transition. So, yes, there is hormone replacement therapy that I've been on for five years, and then before that there's like the identifying process. Now, mind you, let's just say my life has been different when it comes to my bone age being three years younger than my actual age.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:When it comes to me having fertility issues through puberty.
Speaker 1:So I was basically infertile since oh really yeah this is news to me. I didn't know that yeah, I had.
Speaker 2:I was four feet three inches up until seventh or eighth grade you hit like a crazy growth spurt crazy growth spurt.
Speaker 1:Now I'm five, three and that's it you grew a whole foot over the course of what?
Speaker 2:over, like maybe you'll say a month and a half that is insane.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's crazy. How did you even adjust to that? I mean, you got bigger you got taller your hands probably got bigger something, something, something happened and you were just like what the?
Speaker 2:yeah, if you guys are thinking like, oh, you know, she probably trained your voice, this is, this is, this is puberty voice, imagine a higher voice like no, like this, so like you know, my. And then that's another reason why I was also homeschooled as a kid, because my parents were afraid that I would get bullied.
Speaker 1:That makes sense that I would um not fit in that you know, you just reminded me of something you said earlier, that you were like estranged from your parents yeah and I was curious about that, but I didn't want to interrupt you when you were talking about the whole ski experience. But like you were homeschooled but now you're estranged from your parents. Like which parent are you closest to?
Speaker 2:so I'm not close to either of them oh um is it because of you transitioning?
Speaker 2:unfortunately yes really and honestly it's. It's other things too, when it comes to domestic violence, and there's a point, like from things you experienced in past relationships type. So um with my parents. Yeah, oh, so shit okay it came to the point where my siblings would get hurt from my parents damn when me my second old, second old brother. He's big, he's bigger than me, so he would have to step in to he. He was willing to take the punches and then I would make sure the little ones are okay you know that is insane, so, and then?
Speaker 1:I almost choked on my coffee just now yeah it because like you don't. If I looked at you, I wouldn't be able to tell that that's what you've been through. Yeah, and like that's the point it became a custody issue too.
Speaker 2:So we were, when I was like eight and all my siblings, we were just all itty-bitty we could have. We were almost thrown in foster care.
Speaker 1:Was it like child protective services type?
Speaker 2:of involvement. That sucks, and I've been. The only time I've ever lived in a place consistently without being homeless, with, obviously, my parents when I was younger, was for about two years. Everything else was eviction, eviction. Living with people eviction, eviction.
Speaker 1:So you got a lot of experiences with different people?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's how I learned that community was what kept us going.
Speaker 1:Okay, See full circle. Now Full circle.
Speaker 2:So but yeah, I know when I, let's just say, with my parents' mindset on, let's just say you know, it doesn't matter who, like what religion anyone decides to follow. But when it's very I't want to say it like when you're very strict with it and acting and like you treat people differently based on what you believe in yeah, especially what it didn't match like a projection.
Speaker 2:They're throwing shit at you just because that's what they think it should be the projection matched with you know christianity and with how they were treating us kids. None of it was matching, so you couldn't it was inconsistent with what you understood it to be.
Speaker 2:To the point where even the churches we would go to were concerned about us. Now, mind you too, through that time I was used to lead worship for the bands for children's services. I played the piano, my brother played drums, my sister saying you might be able to teach me some stuff. I just I just picked up a piano not long ago I know a few songs but like I was used to play classical music oh, bro, teach me, I'm dead serious yeah, um, the spinning song.
Speaker 2:If you guys ever look at the spinning song, that's a classical song that I was used to play fluently. Yeah, that's, that's dope. Being able to do those things was, by the grace of connections, helping us kids Like being oh, your kid could do this. To my parents your kid could do this. We just couldn't be thrown in it. I like that.
Speaker 2:And then there was a whole feud between the parents of me and my siblings' friends, and to the point where my mom and dad didn't feel comfortable being. They didn't want us close to their kids, so we moved to Texas.
Speaker 1:That's the part where it's like.
Speaker 2:Lo and behold, it turns out.
Speaker 1:What year were your parents born? Are they boomers?
Speaker 2:1975 and 1980.
Speaker 1:Damn, I gotta figure out what generation that is. Yeah, I just feel like the older generation doesn't really help with or not help with. They're not comfortable talking about stuff that they're not used to.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then, instead of talking about it, they keep you away but.
Speaker 2:But you know, it's like in a lockbox or some shit like it's the love sense, though, because um I hello, keep pissing me off.
Speaker 2:I ain't even by that point yeah, but like, when my mom would get hurt, um, me and my siblings, or mainly, you know, the second oldest, he would step in and if it got too far, I would step in and make sure like, hey, like mom, you okay, you good dad, you're doing too much. Dad, are you okay, you good mom, you're doing too much. And, honestly, it kind of hurts to see my younger siblings have to see all that, uh, or any of them, because, like, why do you know? We're all isn't god, love, isn't you know? Like what's this whole talk about love? And then, um, going through puberty, like when I started, like 14, um, no, I didn't have to have no attraction to women, none. And it was like, oh, mom, you know, is it normal for me to really like them?
Speaker 1:At least you had them to talk to you at first, I guess.
Speaker 2:At first. Uh no, that turned into a oh yeah. How are you doing, you know, going to having pastors lay hands on me praying the demons away, like it. There was a point where I had just like stopped talking about it, cause I was like okay. Yeah, it was becoming like more of an issue. It was turning to conversion therapy.
Speaker 1:Ah yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then when I got to be on my own, I was like oh, I can actually do this. And I literally have text messages from my mom saying hey, you know, you posted that you started hormone replacement therapy. Mind you, I hadn't talked to her for years before that. But you know, she she likes to stalk my account every now and then. So I have a different account so she can't stalk me. But, um, she was like hey, you know, I see that you're starting hormone replacement therapy oh, like she could see, like your bank statement type shit uh, like my post, oh oh okay.
Speaker 1:So you're talking social media. I'm talking like money, like no, no, she saw you paying for it.
Speaker 2:No, no like social media and she's like you. Better take that down or I'm gonna unfollow you, because you know I don't want to be associated with that unfollow I literally responded unfollow me like it's it's, it's like okay. Did you have to tell me that?
Speaker 1:no, yeah, no one asked you for that. Is it really?
Speaker 2:just unfollow, exactly, and I ain't even about to be tripping yeah, so so, and then, being on my own, I've experienced, let's just say, unfortunately I'm in idaho yeah, uh, in this state is something an african-american trans woman uh, this is what we were saying when we were on facetime then one day, yeah you're like oppression times five oppression times five yes,
Speaker 2:really and it's just like, honestly, I'm just like it's no one's business unless I say something. The only way people will know is if I say something right. And uh, sometimes I'll used to, you know I'll make friends, I'll be comfortable. So I'm just like, you know, like this is what I'm going through and you know it's nice to have someone that's a thing, bro.
Speaker 1:Why the fuck do people make it so weird? Like that reminds me of when you were coming through, you know, for the, for the course, and then my boss was like oh, you got a student who's coming through, who's transitioning, and and I was like what the fuck, who cares? Like just say I have X amount of students and like it's nothing changes.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Nothing changes at all. But he felt as though I should know that and I was like looking at him it was a whole argument for a second because I was just like, well, who cares? You know what I mean. Like why, why, why is that part of the info to me when they're here to learn, and that's what we're all here to do, and like that doesn't change how I teach.
Speaker 2:Yep. And then not only that, but there's a part in the course where we talked about diversity.
Speaker 1:And that's the day that I missed. I don't know what I was doing. It was some test I had to take or something I don't remember.
Speaker 2:I don't remember either, but you were busy that day, but no, I was just talking like there are so many things like you could look at, you know, sports, you could. There, there are, you know, uh, biological women right with the uterus, or women with the uterus who produce more testosterone than men do. So there there's this one track runner. She ran for Jamaica and, um, I forgot her name, but uh, but no, people were like, oh, she's trans, she's trans, she shouldn't be competing in women's sports. And no, she just produced more testosterone. Is that her?
Speaker 1:Yeah, cece, I'm trying to figure out what it is. Jamaican-american athlete became the first openly transgender woman to win an NCAA title.
Speaker 2:Oh, no, no, no, no, no, that's a that's. Oh, she wasn't trans, that's a thing.
Speaker 1:Oh, they thought that about they thought she was trans but she wasn't. Do you remember the name?
Speaker 2:of it? Yeah, we got it. I can't remember.
Speaker 1:Did she win a gold medal or anything?
Speaker 2:I can look at gold medal just if you type in like jamaican track runner.
Speaker 1:Um, that appears like a man, but it's not I don't know, I'm just, I'm just gonna look at what year was it? Do you remember I?
Speaker 2:don't remember the year, but I did, I'll figure it out eventually. Yeah, you can keep going. No, but if you guys look it up, you guys, you guys will find it. But no, they were like no, she produces more testosterone than. No, not her than your average. And no, there's such thing as PCOS.
Speaker 1:There's such thing as yeah, I've heard of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's.
Speaker 1:What's PCOS stand for? Do you know?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 1:I got to educate myself. I got a daughter, so I gotta like oh, polycystic ovarian syndrome.
Speaker 2:There we go yes, and then there's also uh, that it could be chromosomes, like genetically.
Speaker 1:There are some men who are oh so it's like cysts, small cysts on the ovaries yes irregular menstrual cycles, high levels of androgens or male hormones got it okay cool yep, I'm tracking now. Yep, look it up. Y'all, do your research.
Speaker 2:You see me, I'm on the pod with a computer and I'm just looking at what she's talking about, like, educate yourself, stop being stupid yeah, there's persistent malarian duck syndrome, pmds, um, and that's a condition that occurs when malarian ducks, which normally develop into female reproductive organs in females, do not fully disappear in males during field development. And then there is such thing as Turner syndrome missing or altered X chromosomes in females. There's Klinefelter syndrome, an extra X chromosome in males.
Speaker 1:Ah, there's just a lot.
Speaker 2:There is a lot Science, there's a lot of things that go into field development.
Speaker 1:So, for example, it could be my bone age, it could just what do you think about people who have heavy opinions on the transgender community that don't educate themselves? This is your time to like go off oh. This is your time to go off, because even you, tj, have been extremely delicate with your delivery, which I commend you for, because I have a hard time with, like, not telling them they're fucking bitches.
Speaker 1:But, you know what I mean. Maybe I'll let I'll just let TJ fry all in a in a better way than me, because I'll start screaming more all the day.
Speaker 2:It ain't nobody's damn business.
Speaker 1:I like that. That's it ain't nobody's fucking business, mind your fucking business.
Speaker 2:I like that. That's simple. It ain't nobody's damn business. Mind your fucking business. You whores Mind your fucking business. It's like don't y'all have bills to pay? Focus on that.
Speaker 1:Why is it that people you know what? Let me.
Speaker 2:It's like aren't y'all paying for healthcare?
Speaker 1:Why don't y'all worry about that? You know, don't y'all have like STDs and shit like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go get yourself checked.
Speaker 1:Take your meds. Take your meds. Some of y'all got anxiety. Aren't y'all depressed or anxious? Go to therapy.
Speaker 2:Go take some venlafaxine. That's a depression med, by the way, also PTSD too.
Speaker 1:Damn. Yeah, yeah, mind your fucking business.
Speaker 2:Mind your fucking business and also like, honestly, if there's a trans person trying to confide in you, are we getting into the do's and don'ts? We're getting to do's and don'ts.
Speaker 1:That's. That's the one thing I wanted to get to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, here we go, have a trans person trying to confide in you, openly saying hey, this is someone. Something I can't really talk about, this is something that I am nervous about, but I just kind of talk about this. Keep that shit to yourself can we give them five?
Speaker 1:can we give them five? Five dudes and five. Well, okay, let's go three. Maybe they can't handle ten. We'll give them six. Three do's, three don'ts, for when you engage with someone who has revealed to you that they're transitioning yes, how about that?
Speaker 2:yeah, that works so let's start with the don'ts. Let's start with don'ts. One don't be if a trans person confides in you. Don't tell all your friends.
Speaker 1:Mind your fucking business. Mind your business, okay.
Speaker 2:Because people see that as, oh my gosh, it's like if a meteor came through the sky, picture show the world. When it comes to transitioning, oh show the world, there will be people who stalk them. I've had that happen, and guess what? Because I decided to come find somebody and turn into a threat?
Speaker 1:are they like showing up at the crib, or are they like?
Speaker 2:that have. People try to be like oh hey, you know, uh, I heard you're friends with this person. Um, you know, this is like john smith, so so it's like who's this? Oh, you know your address is this right? How do you have my address? Oh, I'm coming by and then I call people. They're like yeah, call that. That's not okay. Realize that they're friends with this person who doesn't, who, apparently. You know, I'll confide in people and they're nice to me in person.
Speaker 1:Realize that they're talking behind my back with all the things it'd be the closest ones.
Speaker 2:It'd be the closest ones. So, if anything, just loyal, I'm sorry so don't be telling your friends, and that will honestly test your loyalty is that the number one most important? Yeah, okay, number one most important don't tell, don't, don't tell anybody, unless they yeah, they say it's cool yeah, and then another don't is honestly, don't ask that many questions.
Speaker 1:You don't even know what private parts they have yeah, again, it's all coming back to the mind, your business yeah I can see if you're like genuinely curious and they're open with you about that, but if they're not, don't press the issue don't press the issue. Yeah, because it's not who cares. That is insane. Yeah, let me see what's in your pants.
Speaker 2:Dude like that's essentially what it is.
Speaker 1:That's weird I can't just whip out my dick and show somebody because they want to you know what I mean? Yeah, that's like a really insane way to go like so you're transitioning, but like what do you have? Yeah that's like insane, okay.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I like that number two, don't mind your business, mind your business, so that falls in number one technically it does, it's all. It's all interconnected yeah, so the number two also. Oh wow, this is two alpha. This is two alpha honestly, a lot of it's really don't mind your business gosh because, like, don't ask for their dead name, don't ask what they were used to be called.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:Don't ask what they were used to be called. Don't do that.
Speaker 1:Have people asked you like what was your name before?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Why do you say that that's a don't?
Speaker 2:It's a don't because.
Speaker 1:What's it matter?
Speaker 2:Why does it matter?
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:Honestly, why does it matter?
Speaker 1:Also too, that's like some, stuck in the past.
Speaker 2:Then like, too, that's like I'm stuck in the past. Then then like if someone's like asking say someone asked me that I'll be like, okay, why do you want to know that? Then it's like who do you want to tell? Yeah you know, it's like that, that it's like some inspector gadget type shit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, why are you trying like? Why?
Speaker 2:why am I under inspection? Just just uh. Why do you want to know that you know?
Speaker 1:because what value is that information exactly in the first place exactly. It's like why, and then also is this number three yeah, this is number three, number three, yeah, so y'all can follow along yeah, so y'all can follow along.
Speaker 2:Don't, don't ask uh how they're taking their hormone oh, okay, yeah, I mean, that's like some hippo that's hippa again.
Speaker 1:Mind your business yep, there we go, all right. So don't, don't the don'ts.
Speaker 2:The theme there is mind your phone, don't ask, don't ask your, don't ask for their dead name, don't ask how they're taking their hormone therapy. And don't ask and don't, don't be telling your people. If they tell you, keep it to yourself now I will say that this is.
Speaker 1:This is what tj is saying. Now, that doesn't mean that all people who are transitioning feel this way, but I think this is a good foundation.
Speaker 2:It's a good foundation to have.
Speaker 1:This is a great foundation.
Speaker 2:And then from there, if they decide to open up more Right, Like if they think you're cool.
Speaker 1:If you've been proven to be trustworthy, if you actually care about them, then maybe you get more info. But until then, mind your fucking business and then there are dues.
Speaker 2:One of the dues I will say is, honestly, situational awareness. I will say that because, yes, what do? You mean situational awareness is. I have met people who have said oh, oh, like reading the room.
Speaker 1:Before you start read, read the room.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay honestly, even too usually. So the dues is read the room if someone is being so openly like a dickhead a dickhead, yeah sorry, I'm like no no a whole dickhead, right, a whole pussy Either way, right, if. If they're like oh, you know, I'm trans, my pronouns are this and it's like okay, why, honestly, why does it matter to you guys Like, like, you know that that that's their personal information? Why is it so important for them to be sharing?
Speaker 2:Just like divulging, like that divulging info to a new group of people usually. Usually it's those people who see the trans community as a way to get what they want it's manipulation in the bad way? Yes, unfortunately, I have met people. There's this one girl In the bad way. In the bad way, yes, unfortunately, I have met people. There's this one girl that I met. She was like oh, I'm a trans man. I was like huh, you're a trans man, okay, so what do you go by? It's also okay to ask for someone's pronouns.
Speaker 1:That's respectful. So how are some ways that they can ask?
Speaker 2:It's like oh, so what are some ways that they can ask? It's like um, oh, so like you can just say what are your pronouns? What are your pronouns?
Speaker 1:identify as what are you comfortable with being addressed as whatever like this is? These are questions that I've asked that have worked, but I don't know yep you know what I?
Speaker 2:mean exactly. And then she was like he, him, mind you, I'm saying she for a reason, yeah, so uh. And then I was like, all right, so what's your name? My name is jay. I was like, okay, his name is jay. And then other people are like, oh, she's this, she's this. She doesn't correct them at all. She doesn't say her name jay, she said her originally when addressing herself. She would say her name's kylie and I was like, again, situational awareness so like yeah, transitioning yeah, but apparent but no.
Speaker 2:Then the only reason she wanted to be called a guy was so she can get into the guy's dorms to sleep with them oh, oh, that's not what I was thinking at all yeah, damn it, yep. So and then, after I reached out to her and I was like, hey, you know how are you doing with your transition?
Speaker 1:oh, I'm a girl.
Speaker 2:Now, mind you, she never started hormone therapy, one, she never. And I only know that because she let me know at that time that she was starting. But she also told me, um, so I'll just, and it's like you see, it's that's frying my brain yeah, doesn't it reasons. It's frying my brain, but like because there are some people, and there are some people who that's their first experience and they're like oh wow, how do I know if a trans person is not manipulative?
Speaker 1:honestly, well, you're based on the one experience you're basing one experience everybody else, and that's not the case.
Speaker 2:So, oh, I'll follow that with, uh, with the, with the don'ts, sorry, we'll add a no it's cool.
Speaker 1:It doesn't even matter the number at this point these are the do's and don'ts we're trying to give you three of each, but like there's a lot of do's and there's a lot I would say.
Speaker 2:If you meet someone who's manipulative, just leave, but don't associate that with the rest of the trans community I like that, for example. So if you see a black person and say they steal your stuff, right, or if you see me, I'm gonna steal your shit right, hey, there are people, people who are maybe a little crazy in their minds, who want to steal your shit or, honestly, maybe there's a lot of reasons why oh, I got something for you.
Speaker 1:What advice could you give to parents who have a child who is transitioning? I would. How do you, how do you as a parent, support them? I?
Speaker 2:I would say build their community, be their community first, like a community liaison.
Speaker 1:Community liaison, put them up with friends and groups and sports and whatever, and there are very cute documentaries on athletics, Ah education.
Speaker 2:Education. It's like, hey, this is the world of transgender, transgender people, we will support you and we will help. Is this something that that you want to do? Yes, okay. Well, let's go talk to a therapist, let's go talk to a provider, let's you know, not conversion therapy, but it's like, yeah, getting to understand like you yeah, and internally yeah, and if it's, if it's a younger kid, maybe give them some time, you know, let them go through just the basic kid experience Find their own friends, school Go play, Go play, Go play.
Speaker 2:We'll worry about all the other stuff later and then as it progresses. Then seeing your kiddos from day one and having their perceived from the younger as they grow up then, they'll be like okay, let's you know they're.
Speaker 1:at this point I might have to have you come back for another episode Because, like that's, you did it Like we typically only do a pod for like 50 minutes-ish and boy did you give them a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's a lot, if anything. Just love each other, you know. Have a focus. Love your people and everyone will be manipulative. It's not just trans people, it's not just people of color, it's not just, you know, caucasian people. People are gonna be deceitful, people are gonna lie to you, people aren't gonna treat you right. But guess what? You also have a choice to become prejudiced yourselves or to just choose your focus on who you love, because, guess what? What you love is what matters beyond anything else.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that, and you just gave them something to take away without me having to ask you to give them something to take away. You're absolutely invited back to this pod Both Fat and Sweets and Loser Talks Like this was fire and I realized I didn't even give them the spiritual meaning of the number 38.
Speaker 1:This is episode 38 and if you're in a numerology, this is for you, okay. The spiritual meaning of the number 38 is associated with positive thinking, service to humanity and taking control of our destinies. Look at that. It's come. It comes full circle. We literally talked about that in this episode, it says. Furthermore, it signifies growth, abundance and personal power. The number 38 is also about relationships. You talked about community, creative expression, teamwork and companionship. Look at that. Look how it all came full circle.
Speaker 2:Look what you did Look at that, look what you did.
Speaker 1:Look, y'all don't even deserve this Look at that. Look what you did. Look, y'all don't even deserve this. Y'all don't even deserve this.
Speaker 2:And now I got to pay TJ and some pickles, pickles, kimchi and some ramen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there we go. That's an old barter system. Get out of here, you filthy animals. That's a wrap for episode 38. And if you want to follow TJ, I've built her profile on Buzzsproutcom. So if you want to know where it's at, just type in fat and sweets, dot busbrowcom and then her instagram will be there for you to follow. But that's only if you cool, don't just follow just because you want to mind her fucking business. Remember, mind your business.
Speaker 2:and then, if you want to follow, do that, but do it genuinely and also one other takeaway is value your own personal experiences too, because everyone's personal experience is different, and that will build your values and your ethics. I just ask that you just continue to love and protect and defend your people, because your community is what matters and who you call your family and your people, and I will. I do the same for my people. I do the same for fat daddy over here, and I do this. Yeah, and I do the same for my people. I do the same for fat daddy over here, and I do this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I do the same for my husband too, and that's just how I do. So my personal experiences are my own, and if it affects my life in a detrimental way, it hurts. But you know what that? It's okay. You know, you learn, you grow, you become better. And if you choose to, if you choose to, and um, and you know having it. For those who still may not understand the trans experience, just research dummies it also my bad. Well, no, that's facts, that is fact.
Speaker 1:Sorry, I had to get that off yes, no, I thank you or, or.
Speaker 2:If you don't want to research, talk to someone talk to somebody and, honestly, I'm a great person to talk to, so you're gonna talk to me, and then, um, can they? Dm you yeah, you guys can dm also, too, any experience that you may not understand, as long as it's not hurting people like I mean evil shit Like it deserves sympathy. It deserves sympathy, everything people deserve sympathy. Now, again, don't let them trailblaze you, because I will put them in the dirt.
Speaker 1:Pow Pow. Well, y'all are more than well prepared to go out here and enjoy life. And if you got nothing from this, well, you just chose not to get anything from this. But if you made it this far, we bang with you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You definitely can come back absolutely this is gonna be good, love you guys.
Speaker 2:Bye.
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